74. Caring for Aging Parents While Navigating Perimenopause: What No One Talks About

Midlife Reflections After My Mom’s Surgery

The past couple weeks I’ve been spending more time with my mom after her hip surgery.
And if I’m being honest, it hit me hard. She’s always been very independent — still is. But seeing her needing help, moving slowly, in pain…it reminded me that she’s aging. And so am I.

The Reality of the Midlife Juggle

Midlife is a weird, busy, and deeply reflective time.
We’re navigating our own shifting hormones, sleep, emotions, and identity — while also supporting our parents, raising kids, managing careers, connecting with our partners…It’s a lot.
And this past month gave me space to reflect.

Letting Go of Old Stories

Over 10 years ago, I lost my dad to liver cirrhosis. He struggled with alcoholism for much of his life. And for a long time, I carried anger about it. But in my late 20s, before he died, I made a choice to let it go — to forgive him.
Not for him necessarily — but for me. Holding onto that resentment, that anger only weighed me down. And peace was a gift I had to give myself in order to heal from my childhood.

A Complicated Relationship With My Mom

Now with my mom, it’s a different story — but still layered. She’s in her 70s. She’s not someone who prioritizes her health the way I wish she would. She doesn’t move her body regularly or really advocate for herself in the doctor’s office.
But she has made some shifts — she listens to me when I make suggestions based on her labs, takes supplements I recommend, and has improved her diet.

The Long-Term Impact of Being Dismissed

Still, she’s one of millions of women who were impacted by the WHI study — the Women’s Health Initiative — the one that scared an entire generation away from hormone therapy.
I’ve talked about it in previous episodes as well as the importance of replenishing your hormones. And it’s why I educate and guide our clients throughout this process.

My mom, probably like your mom, was never offered HRT. No one told her it was an option.
And now, like so many women her age, she’s dealing with some of the long-term consequences of being dismissed and under-treated such as:

• Bone Loss: About 1 in 2 women over 50 will break a bone due to osteoporosis, and bone loss starts in perimenopause due to declining estrogen.
• Cognitive Decline: Women make up two-thirds of all Alzheimer’s cases, and the drop in estrogen during midlife is a major risk factor for cognitive decline.
• Obesity: Nearly 45% of U.S. women aged 40–59 are classified as obese, often due to hormonal changes, metabolic shifts, and poor sleep.
• Joint Pain: Over 50% of women report increased joint pain during perimenopause, likely tied to inflammation and declining estrogen.
• Poor Sleep: An estimated 56% of perimenopausal women report sleep disturbances, and over 20% of women over 40 regularly use sleep aids.
• High Blood Pressure: Around 1 in 3 women over 40 have hypertension, a risk that rises sharply after estrogen levels drop.
• High Cholesterol: After menopause, LDL cholesterol typically increases by 10–15%, increasing heart disease risk, the #1 killer of women.

It’s infuriating and heartbreaking.

I Want to Age Differently

Watching her recover from this surgery made me realize how much I want to age differently.
Not because I’m better than her, but because I know more. And I refuse to just sit back and watch my health deteriorate. And because I’ve seen what happens when we don’t prioritize our health or when we’re told we don’t have choices.

Being in this midlife chapter: managing our own bodies, while showing up for others…is a profound responsibility. And also, a wake-up call.
One thing my 40s have taught me: time is finite. And I don’t want to waste mine on things that don’t matter.
I want to prioritize health. Peace. And joy. I want to live well for the 2nd half of my life.
I don’t want to just survive, I want to thrive.

Seeing My Mom Through a New Lens

So getting back to my mom…I was sleeping at her place a few nights, alternating with my sister who luckily lives nearby.

And one morning, I woke up, checked on her, and just stood there for a moment. She was sound asleep, peaceful, and something about it caught me off guard. She almost looked childlike. I got choked up, shed a few tears.

And I started thinking about how hard I’ve been on her at times.
How, growing up, I used to resent her for staying with my dad — who was emotionally abusive along with his drinking. He put us in harm’s way many times. I even remember asking her to divorce him when I was about ten.

But years later, she told me the truth: she stayed because she was afraid he’d get partial custody — and she didn’t want us in a car with him if he was drinking or something else.
She stayed to protect us. All day. Every day.
And that realization changed everything for me.

From Frustration to Compassion

It’s funny how your perspective changes as you get older.
The traits that used to frustrate me about my mom? I now see them in myself at times.

What I once saw as her “passiveness”? Was really a desire for peace.
What I once saw as her “perfectionism”? Was a way to create stillness in the chaos of our life.
What I once saw as her “holding in emotions” was actually her being strong for us.

When we slow down…
When we stop trying to fix everyone around us…
When we simply sit with someone we love and see them clearly —
We stop judging and start understanding.

So forgive when you can.
And cherish the people you love even when it’s complicated.
Because that really changes everything.

A Hard but Important Conversation: End-of-Life Planning

Now, there’s one more thing I want to share: and it’s not the easiest to talk about, but it’s important — preparing for end of life.

It’s not a comfortable conversation. It’s emotional. It’s vulnerable. It feels…heavy.
But it’s something my sister and I recently did with my mom.

We sat down, hired a lawyer, and got everything documented:
Her will. Her healthcare directives. Access to her bank accounts and assets.
What she wants, and what she doesn’t want, when that time comes.

And I’ll be honest: we didn’t have any of that in place when our dad died.
It made the grieving process so much harder because we didn’t know what to do.
There was confusion, stress, and so many unanswered questions.

Having these plans in place now, while she’s still very much alive and mentally sharp, gives everyone peace of mind.
It lets us focus on living and being present with her now.
And when the day comes, we’ll be able to grieve, instead of scramble.

So if you’re putting this off – I get it.
But I can’t recommend it enough.
It’s not about being morbid; it’s about being prepared.
Because death is part of life and clarity makes it a little less painful.

If You’re in the Messy Middle — I See You

So if you’re in this messy middle like I am: juggling perimenopause, caring for aging parents, dedicated to your career, or raising kids, and trying to stay sane in the process…

I see you.
You’re not alone.

But I want to remind you that even though it feels hard.
Even though some days you may feel like you’re drowning, YOUR health is a top priority.
You cannot support others, if you’re not taking care of you.

Someone on Instagram asked me how I’m juggling perimenopause while supporting my mom, as her needs are changing.

I shared that I have daily non-negotiables.
I take care of my body. I eat well. I move. I hydrate. I prioritize rest.
I don’t waste time on things that are not top priority, like scrolling social media or getting involved in other people’s drama.
I say no to things. I don’t answer every text message or DM on Instagram.
I protect my peace and I minimize the noise.

I recommend you do the same.
Thanks so much for listening.
See you next week.